You Are There

Mom's funeral brought family and friends together from Boyne City, Traverse City, Elk Rapids, South Boardman, Alma, Grand Rapids, and Englewood, Florida. Her casket was surrounded with flowers in pinks and purples, and an urn containing Dad's remains stood near her head. Paul delivered a beautiful eulogy. Although Mom didn't want tears at her funeral, I know she would have approved.

The day of Mom's and Dad's interment couldn't have been colder or windier. We huddled together for warmth as Paul shared scriptures of hope with us. He stated that Mom and Dad both wanted to live as long as possible, and that our family did our best to assure their wishes were granted. It was a welcome affirmation.

Mom's great hope was that Jesus' return would occur in her lifetime and that she would never see death. There were times during her illness we thought her tenacity might pay off and she'd get her wish. Even though the vehicle wasn't the one she hoped for, we know she is now with the One she so longed to see with her eyes and hear with her ears.

Psalm 139:7-12

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

Good night, Mom. We'll see you in our dreams.

Goodbye Rose

Remembering Rosie

Mom's cousin Roleen Rennie Carpenter sent this memoire of her childhood to our family. It shows Mom's character and personality so unchanged from the time she was little. I think it will be appreciated by those of us who have loved Mom in her adult years. Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Roleen.

January 8, 2009

Dear Pat, Suzie, Bill and Tina,
Thank you so very much for all the e-mails with pictures for the past two years. This morning we saw Rose Mary's obituary in the Record Eagle. How nicely written it was. You did yourselves proud.
I have thought sometimes about the name Rose Mary, and just how Aunt Naomi and Uncle Cap came to name her that. She was truly a Rose, and had the faith of Mary. For a long time I thought it was all one name – Rosemary, But Rosie corrected me.
Rosie and I had the unique advantage of being the little mice in the kitchen at the family gatherings, and could overhear Grandma Sarah/Sadie Kratochvil and her daughters, Isobel, Naomi, Inez and Frances. They truly enjoyed these times together discussing their dreams (literally) and what heaven would be like. Their faith in God and his Heaven was a given . . . no doubt about it.
Growing up, we were sort of paired off at the frequent family potlucks. We were nearly the same age – well, I was six months older; a fact that Rosie reminded me of. When we were little, we would usually get tired at the end of the day, whereupon I would seek comfort in sucking my thumb and she her three fingers – each grasping our dresses with our free hand in a wad. When I reminded Rosie of those times, she adamantly told me that she had never done that; it must have just been me. She would never have hiked up her dress like that, she said.
Rosie liked to come to the farm where I lived. She loved seeing all the animals, and always wanted to run down hill. She did not have hills to run down in Traverse City. And so, we would run down the hills and walk back up again over and over again, until we were really tired. I, in turn, thought it was fun to walk around the block at her home on 11th Street, and observe how everybody had their sprinklers going.
Rosie was unique. She let you know just where she stood and how she saw things. Not really critical of what you thought, but definite in her views.
When were teenagers, Rosie and I had a lot of discussions about religion. Sometimes I would make some hair-brained comment, and she would tell me “what the Bible said.” From those early times in her life, she possessed a strong faith. Rosie and I worked at the same place in Traverse City in the mid 1950's. The firm was called Peoples Finance, and was located at 102 S. Union Street in Traverse City. On Good Friday the office closed from 1 to 3PM so that employees could attend church services. Rosie and I walked the several blocks to St. Francis church. It was a chilly day, (March, I think) but we were excited to go. Rosie explained that they were going through the Stations of the Cross. It seemed like we were there a long time. I noticed how people were arriving at different times and then leaving. Maybe those people coming and going were not as dedicated as we were. We stayed for the whole service. We then rushed back to work to find our Manager running the place. He said, “where have you girls been?” We proudly announced, “at church!! He then informed us that we were not required to stay for the whole thing. He had attended a Catholic service also, and had been back in the office a long time ago.
Around that time, I met my now husband, Marv. Rosie was my Maid of Honor at my wedding.
These are just a few of the memories I have. I thought you might like to hear them.
This is indeed a very difficult “goodbye for now.” The “for now” part is really the part that is significant, isn't it? You children of Rosie have been so fortunate to have this instilled into your very souls. She has accomplished what so many of hope to.
Sure, we will all cry. But we know it is just “for now.”
Take care you children of Rosie, and your spouses too. God Bless
Love,
Cousin Roleen

Obituary Links

Mom's obituary may be found in three places:

Petoskey News Review
Traverse City Record Eagle
Stone Funeral Home, Inc.

The funeral home has not yet posted the obituary, but Mom's name should appear in a link on the right of the front page when it is up.

The Record Eagle states that Mom's interment is on Monday, January 12. We just learned this morning that a Monday interment is not possible for the cemetery, and that it will take place on Tuesday, January 13 at 1:00 p.m.

Home

This morning at 2:24 a.m., Suzy was with Mom when she took a deep hard breath. Suzy went to the bed and asked Mom if she was okay. There were no more breaths. Mom left us quietly and peacefully.

When I arrived at Suzy's this morning she told Cameron to tell me what he said when he woke up and Grandma was gone. Cameron told me that our spirits live forever and can never be harmed. Even if a bullet went through our spirit, it wouldn't hurt it. What a smart kid.


Thank you to everyone for your prayers and support over the last two years. It has been the blessing of our lives to love our mother through her illness. We've always known she was stubborn, but through these past months she has shown herself stronger than anyone I've ever known. I'm so proud to be her daughter.

Stackus Funeral Home in Boyne City is handling Mom's arrangements. On Friday there will be visitation from 5:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. at the funeral home. Another visitation at 10:00 a.m. on Saturday at Trinity Fellowship Church will immediately precede the funeral at 11:00 a.m. The obituary will appear on the funeral home website and the Traverse City paper tomorrow. I will update you with links when they are available.

Comfort

Mom has now been nine days without food or dexamethasone. We have tried to administer her morphine sulphate 1/4 mg at a time, but it goes down with great difficulty because her swallow reflex is not complying. She continues to receive 25 cc's per hour of sodium chloride, and the 125 mcg of fentanil administered through patches on her shoulder. Her breathing is labored. Her pulse was 148 last night and has been consistently over 120 for five days. We are treating her bedsores the best we can, weighing the need for treatment against the discomfort she experiences when we move her.

It should come as no surprise to us that at this time, when her resources are at the absolute minimum imaginable, that she still breathes and still responds to kisses on her cheek. We cherish her presence but her comfort and peace are our greatest concern. Please pray with us for Mom's comfort.

Running on Love

On New Years Day Tina, Tami and Dan and the little ones, Bill and Pattie, and Aunt Dorothy came to spend the day. Mom had a relatively peaceful day with minimal coughing. The entire family plans to come back this afternoon to celebrate our family Christmas.

Since Thursday afternoon Mom has been coughing a lot and her fluid output has remained very low. On Wednesday we cut back her sodium chloride by half in an attempt to decrease the fluid in her lungs and help her to breathe. Dr. Karkosak increased her fentanil to 125 mcg to help manage the pain. Mom has been unable to speak or eat since Sunday. She is running on love like a car runs on fumes.

Mostly, Mom sleeps and works to breathe, and we help her as much as we can. Mom looked at Olivia with acknowledgement in her eyes when she kissed her last night before bed. She has responded a little to hugs and kisses, to loud noises, to scripture and to prayer. Suzy sang Mares Eat Oats to her yesterday and she focused on her intently. I think she wanted to sing too.

A New Year

Last night Mom and I held hands as the ball dropped, with Olivia and Cameron wishing her enthusiastic Happy New Years.

Mom has been sleeping almost constantly since Sunday. On Tuesday night her breathing was very labored and she was unresponsive. Suzy's attempts to administer her supplemental morphine have been unsuccessful, only causing Mom to cough. She hasn't eaten or swallowed medication since Saturday afternoon. Dr. Karkosak is out of town but gave Suzy his cell number in case she needs to call. We love Dr. Karkosak.

Tina and Mike came from Traverse yesterday. Mom opened her eyes a couple of times during the visit and responded to caresses by closing them.

Before turning in she opened her eyes more than she had during the day. When I told her I loved her she moved her lips a little but didn't speak. I opened up Psalm 139 and read to her, and as I read she turned her head toward me. So after 139 we read 42 and several others, until I was sure she was asleep.

She passed the night well and as I write this I can hear her occasionally cough and snore. Her breathing is much better than it was Tuesday night and she seems relaxed.

This morning Bill and Pattie plan to come up, and Tina and Tami will follow, maybe with Aunt Dorothy.

Christmas Pictures

Yeah...it seems I left my camera cable plugged into the computer. Foiled again by my own logic.

Below are some of the pictures from Christmas. Mom received her favorite things in all the world - stuffed animals and chocolate.

Mom's room is a Christmas extravaganza. She is watched over continually by larger than life penguins. Presents from the kids.

Oh my goodness - Ferrero Rocher!!!

Home for the Holidays

Every holiday and family event since Mom's diagnosis in March 2007 has carried with it the knowledge that it may be our last special day together. Last Christmas was no different. Yet here we are, one Christmas later, celebrating the birth of the One who defeated death for us.

I have a few pictures from Christmas but I can't find my camera cable to upload them. I'll post them later and update you now.

On Christmas Eve Mom was quieter than she had been in recent days, but was responsive both verbally and physically. On Christmas Day she was less responsive, sleeping most of the day and not very verbal. Since Christmas, she has continued to be quiet, most times looking at us when we speak but with no acknowledgment in her eyes. When I spoke to Suzy on Monday, Mom had slept all of Sunday. She was awake for part of her nurse visit Monday morning and followed Colleen with her eyes at one point. Her vitals weren't great but not horrible: oxygen 91, blood pressure 150/84, pulse 114 and mostly regular, lungs clear.

I left for Grand Rapids in a hurry Saturday evening when Paul suggested I do so to avoid the approaching blizzard. Even though Mom was very quiet, she responded consistently to my I love yous and I'll miss yous and hugs. Mom has her priorities straight.

We hope you all had a peaceful and joyous Christmas. Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers for Mom and our family.

Recent Rose-isms

"I'm feeling a little glancy."

Mom has been in rare form since her amazing bounce-back last week. She's had a lot to say, and it's been hard keeping up. But here's a sample of her most recent Rose-isms.

(Watching Neil Sedaca with Suzy and Cameron)
The show is over.
(Not sure she's a fan)

(The kids say Grandma put a hit out on Jodi)
Mom, to Corey, arm uplifted and fingers poised to snap: “Eggfield – take care of Jodi for me.”
(The kids say Grandma then paid Corey off)
Mom gives the orange polka-dot dog to Olivia. “Give this to Eggfield.”

Jodi to Grandma:
Goodbye Grandma!
Is Billy back?
No, but I have a big test today.
Oh, he did too.

Olivia had a hard time reaching Grandma to give her a kiss. Mom waited patiently with her lips puckered until Olivia found a way to get to her.

Mom has moments of clarity when she is more self-aware. A few days ago she had one of those moments with Suzy.
What do I look like?
Compared to what?
Compared to how I used to look?
You look a lot like you used to look. You’re gorgeous.

I spoke to Mom on the phone Friday morning. She was watching a program at the time but tracked with me pretty well.
Hi Mom!
Hi honey!
How are you?
I’m fine, how are you?
I’m fine too. It’s so good to hear your voice.
It’s so good to hear your voice too.
It’s snowing a lot down here. They’re calling it “snowmaggedon.”
“Snowmaggedon…snowmaggedon…”
Isn’t that clever?
(Silence)
What are you doing today, Mom?
The same thing I was doing yesterday.
Are you working on projects?
Yes.
You’ve always got a lot of projects going, don’t you.
Yes, I was working on…
Next time I come I’m going to stay with you for five days.
Five days?
Yes.
Why, that will be wonderful!
Can I stay with you in your room?
Well, sure!
I have to get back to work now Mom. I love you.
I love you too, Patty.
Goodbye Mom.
(Silence)
(Suzy) Patty is saying goodbye.
Oh, is that what they’re saying?
Yes.
Oh, okay. (to Pat) They’re saving the body.
Goodbye Mom – I love you!
I’m not good at saying goodbye.
That’s okay. We’ll just stick to I love you.
Okay. I love you honey.
I love you too. Goodbye!
Goodbye!

Cookin' With Gas

This morning I called Suzy to see how everyone was doing. She put me on the phone with Mom.

Hi Mom!

Well, Hi honey!

How are you?

I'm fine...I wanted to ask you...I'm making some apple pan bowdy (should be "dowdy," or may be a brand new recipe), and I need some guidance, and since you're the expert...

No one ever told me I was the expert of apple brown betty (I misunderstood).

Things are changing...(Mom is watching the world financial news)

I checked the Fifth Third website today. I could refinance my house at 5% interest for thirty years. Isn't that great?

No.

It's not? I would be paying much less than my current mortgage and my home equity loan combined.

Okay.

Mom was completely engrossed in international finance.

When I spoke to Suzy Mom had not yet received her delivery of IV Cipro, but it was expected. Suzy said she was better than she was when I left her on Sunday, which wasn't bad at all.

I wonder how you make apple pan dowdy...

The Latest...

Mom had a blood draw yesterday during her home nursing visit. Her hemoglobin is 9.4, magnesium is low, and she has a UTI. She'll begin to receive cipro for the infection as soon as the pharmaceutical delivery vendor brings the IV bags.
Suzy told me today that Mom is better than when I left her on Sunday. Making conversation, saying funny things. Who would have guessed a week ago.
Just wanted to give you some good news.

Encore

The evening before Chris Darrow's funeral, Linda Darrow and I attended a concert of the Alma College Percussion Ensemble. It was incredible. They recieved two standing ovations and played encores after each. I whispered to Linda, "This could go on all night." And I wouldn't have minded one bit.

Early last week, all of Mom's symptoms indicated her time here was ending. We were all bracing ourselves for her finale. But once again, Rosie is back with another song.

Friday morning Suzy, Paul and all their kids took off for Birch Run and Frankenmuth for Christmas shopping and time away. Suzy had considered cancelling the trip after Mom's sleeping spell over last weekend. But there was no need for them to stay. Once again, Mom rallied.

(The Wise Family in the van, on their way to Birch Run)

Dr. Karkosak stopped by for a home visit early Friday evening. After all of the medication discussions and concerns shared with Suzy earlier in the week, he was very surprised to see her awake and responsive, and to hear that she'd eaten two eggs for breakfast and ice cream for lunch. He checked her vitals - blood pressure 120/60, pulse 78 and mostly regular, lungs clear, legs and ankles not bad. He said to me, "This is a miracle." He said to continue with one milligram of dexamethazone since she could still swallow (we were weaning her off of it in anticipation of her losing her ability to swallow). I think Dr. Karkosak left happier than he came.

(Mom with Dr. Karkosak 12/12/08)

After Dr. Karkosak left, Mom and I resumed decorating her room for Christmas. It's a little Vegas, but we're not ashamed to live large.
Saturday morning Bill, Pattie, Jessy and Tyler came from Traverse. Mom slept through most of the visit, but was very affectionate when they said goodbye.

The rest of the day was fairly quiet. We watched a couple of movies - nothing notable. The family returned at about 1:20 a.m. Sunday morning with amazing bargains. Suzy showed Mom a couple of the items of which she was especially proud. Mom was impressed.
This morning I read her most recent Christmas cards, from Jacque Flynn, Marlene Coglianese and Roleen Carpenter. I told her that Roleen had recently emailed her hugs and kisses, and mentioned they had always been favorite cousins, since they were the same age. Mom smiled and said, "Well, there's a few months difference." Roleen will understand the significance of that remark.


We read the poetry of Chaucer, Campion, Browning, Shakespere and Sydney. We couldn't recite it back to you, but we enjoyed it.

Update

Thanks to those of you who sent encouragement after my last post. Mom was a little better today. I spoke with her on the phone late this morning. Her voice was gravelly and her words a little slurred, but she held up her end of the conversation pretty well. Suzy said Mom ate spaghetti for breakfast and loved it. So, it would seem she's still enjoying our company!
We're grateful for all your prayers.

Sleepwalk

After a few days of conversations, Mom has begun sleeping again.
On Saturday, Mom slept the entire day after breakfast. Late in the evening Suzy held the phone to her ear while I spoke to her. Mom responded with "Hi!" and "I love you too!" Sunday, she slept the entire day. Her breathing became sporadically quick and deliberate. She did not respond to conversation.
After a quiet night, Monday was more of the same. Mom hadn't had food or medicine since Saturday morning. The Vital Care nurse, Colleen, visited in the afternoon. Her respirations were a bit high at 25 per minute; pulse 106; blood pressure 124/55; oxygenation low at 84. Colleen heard some fluid in her lungs. They decided not to put Mom through the discomfort of a blood draw. Dr. Karkosak told Suzy to increase her fentanil patch to compensate for her lack of morphine over the last few days.
In the late evening Monday, Olivia came to her bed and said, "Hi Grandma." Mom replied, "Hi honey." Mom had responded to some more light conversation when I spoke to Suzy around 10:30 p.m.
We're constantly asking ourselves how we can best help Mom. Suzy told me Sunday night that she knows there's a part of Mom that longs to be with the Lord, and there's another part that wants to stay. It's a contradiction with which the apostle Paul wrestled. We want her to stay as long as she wants, but as Suzy said to me last night, she knows God is excited about his unique Rose coming home to Him. We don't know what her last steps on earth will look like, but we know God does and we're looking for His guiding hand.

Looking Up

Mom is doing well. Her blood work came back today and although her magnesium is low, her hemoglobin is up to 10.5! Still below normal, but nearly three whole points higher than last month.

Maybe all that turkey and pumpkin pie paid off!

Last weekend was good. Mom slept for several hours after breakfast on Sunday, but from Thanksgiving until then she was awake most of the time. We watched Milo & Otis a total of eight times. Yes, eight. It's the one movie that holds her interest without disturbing her with tragedy or violence. Well, there is that scene where the field mouse gets caught by the screech owl...

Poor Corey and Haley started singing, "Gonna take a walk outside today..."

Speaking of adventures, late Saturday night Corey, Jaime and Evan helped their friend Eric with a film shoot in downtown Petoskey. It was cold and dark and they met several interested inebriates. Before they left for the shoot, Corey and Evan showed Grandma their costume attire, which she dutifully inspected.

A Vision of Beauty

On November 19, our family lost Chris Darrow to cancer. Chris was a highly intelligent animal loving chef and gamer, with a fiance and a little girl eight years old. He was 32. Thank you to all who prayed for Chris and his family. Please continue to pray as his family deals with their loss. We loved Chris and will miss him very much. We hate cancer.

Mom had a rocky weekend. When I arrived Friday night, she was animated and conversant. Saturday morning she greeted me with, "My, don't you look fresh today," which, although conversational, was quite far from reality. I left her for a few minutes and when I returned she was no longer talking. She ate her breakfast in silence, then fell asleep. Bill and Pattie stopped by in the afternoon, and she was unresponsive. We visited while Mom slept. Her silence continued for the rest of the day, until the evening when we changed her nightgown and bedding. She responded to questions a little, then fell asleep again.

Sunday morning I woke up to Mom talking to herself. I said, "Well, good morning!" To which she replied, "When did you get here?" The rest of the morning was full of conversation broken up with brief naps. For both of us.

In the late afternoon before Corey and I left for Grand Rapids, I read to Mom from Peace Like a River and the book of love poems. Mom's favorite love poem this week was by Ben Jonson, entitled A Vision of Beauty. She soaked it up completely. I asked if she wanted me to read it again, and she said, "Oh, I don't know if I can stand it!" I asked her if I should take that as a yes, and she affirmed. We read a couple more, and she became so overwhelmed by the romance that we decided to return to the story book. But after a little while, we put the story down and went back to the poetry.

(Mom with Suzy, November 23, 2008)

From the beginning of Mom's diagnosis we have had a sense of the preciousness of this time together. Losing Chris these past few days has underscored the importance of holding our loved ones close, living a life of gratitude, not taking our time together for granted.

Prayer Request

Our cousin Chris Darrow began his fight with cancer about the same time Mom did. He has been fighting smart and hard, making very tough choices along the way. He is at Moffit right now on a ventilator, still fighting. Please pray for Chris, Nic, daughter Raina, Uncle Matt and Aunt Jan. We love you guys and we're with you in prayer.

(2007 Darrow Family Reunion, Chris between Nic and Rose)

Winter Rose

On Sunday, Boyne City saw its first snow of the season.The Saturday night rain turned to snow sometime during the night, transforming the world outside our window into a white crystal fairy land. When Mom woke up, I said, "Look out the window - we have our first snow!" She was not impressed. Not in the least.

Mom has been much quieter in the last couple of weeks. She begins sentences but does not usually finish them unless they are very short. We continue to read Peace Like A River, a partial chapter at a time. She begins to interject comments during the story, but falls just short of her intent. "That reminds me..." "Do you think..." "I was just thinking that..." Her mind interacts with us, but her communication is hindered. We fill in the blanks together.

Two Fridays ago when I arrived in Boyne I walked in her room and said "Hi Mom!", to which she gleefully replied, "You killed me!"

Mom's hemoglobin has improved - in the 9s after a few weeks in the 7s. Her blood pressure has been good. She has recovered from her UTI. Her heart rate is slightly erratic, but generally in a good range. Her breathing has changed; a bit heavier and with long pauses. This week we have increased her prednisone and morphine sulfate, and she seems more engaged and alert.

Here are a few pictures from recent weeks.

Tina and Mom on Saturday, November 1.

Grandma's groupies: Devon, Makayla, Babbette and Olivia.
Did you know how amazing pineapple is? Pineapple is the king of fruits. You should have some pineapple. Right now. Salute the pineapple!
Full of pineapple, fighting off the chill with layers of covers and the fireplace video.

Thanks for visiting. Stay warm. Have some pineapple.

A Glance Over the Shoulder

Last week I received a letter from Mom's friend, Marlene Coglianese. In the envelope was a picture from Mom's 50-year class reunion in 2003. I remember the time surrounding the reunion. Mom almost didn't go. She valued her time off from work, and the drive was over an hour one way. But she went, and I remember how pleased she was that she did. She had a wonderful time reconnecting with friends.

I took the picture to Mom last weekend. When I showed it to her, I asked if she knew the names of the friends at her side. She pointed to the one on the left and said, "That's Marlene." I asked her about the one to her right, and she hesitated. I squinted to see the name tag and said, "That's Shirley." To which she replied, "Shirley Becker."

At a time when much has been lost in the cognition realm, Mom's recognition of her high school friends was a source of joy. Thank you, Marlene, for sending the lovely picture of our mother with her friends.

I thought you might enjoy seeing a few more pictures from years past. Mom is still everything she always was in spirit and soul. It amazes me every day how the Rose Mary of yesterday shines through her current limitations.

This picture was taken during the Darrow Family Reunion in 1994, I believe on Union Street in Traverse during the Cherry Festival Grand Royale Parade. Left to right: Paul, Mom, Corey, Dad, Jaime, Suzy.

Another 1994 Darrow Reunion photo. Step back Rachael Ray. Rosie has a spatula and she knows how to use it.
This picture is somewhat of a mystery to us. Dad won several trips during his tenure at Sentry Insurance - Jamaica, Spain, and Venezuela. We didn't know this photo existed until Dad passed away. It was in a folder in his desk. Even Mom didn't know when it was taken. But it's maybe the best picture the two of them ever had taken together.

Mom mimicking Lady Liberty in Las Vegas at the 2003 Darrow Family Reunion.

Mom's 71st birthday party at Suzy's house, 2006.

The Rose Mary in these pictures is still with us. She is Rosie in her humor, her sensitivity, and her uncanny ability to find the most provocative word for the moment. In spite of the difficulty of the past nearly two years, she is undeniably herself. There's only one Rosie.